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Red Rocket Shroom

+50 Speed | Rarity: Pretty Weird

This angry little fungus LITERALLY catches fire when you eat it. ZOOM past hawks, outrun your own shadow, and arrive at the acorn tree BEFORE YOU EVEN LEFT. Scientists say it's impossible. This mushroom says "hold my spores."

WARNING: Do not operate heavy branches while under the influence of Rocket Shroom.

"I ran so fast I lapped myself three times. Now there are four of me and we're forming a band." - Gerald the Gray Squirrel

Morel Might

+100 Strength | Rarity: Suspiciously Powerful

This absolute UNIT of a morel has been doing push-ups since the Cretaceous period. One bite and you'll bench-press oak trees, suplex boulders, and carry SO MANY acorns that squirrels from three forests over will write songs about you. GAINS!

Comes with a free tiny sweatband. Non-negotiable. You WILL wear the sweatband.

"I suplexed a raccoon. The raccoon thanked me. We're best friends now." - Brenda, Buff Chipmunk

Rainbow Radiance Shroom

+75 Charisma | Rarity: Suspiciously Powerful

OH. MY. GOODNESS. This shroom is so dazzling that woodland creatures form an involuntary conga line behind you. Grumpy owls offer free tree rent! Foxes become your personal bodyguards! You emit an aura of PURE SPARKLY FABULOUSNESS at all times! Tastes like birthday cake mixed with vindication.

Not responsible for any spontaneous forest-wide dance parties that may erupt.

Thunder Truffle EXTREME

+200 Energy | Rarity: Absolutely Unhinged

BZZZZZT! This truffle was struck by lightning FORTY-SEVEN TIMES and just got angrier each time. Eat it and you will NEVER SLEEP AGAIN (in a good way??). Collect acorns at 3 AM! Vibrate through solid matter! Become a living, chittering THUNDERSTORM! Makes a faint 'YEEAAHHHH' guitar riff sound when you bite into it.

May cause involuntary static discharge. Avoid hugging metal objects or other squirrels.

"I haven't blinked since Tuesday. TUESDAY WAS IN 2019." - Sparky (formerly known as Todd)

Mega Mind Mushroom

+150 Intelligence | Rarity: Absolutely Unhinged

Peer-reviewed by absolutely nobody, this big-brained beauty grants GPS-level acorn recall, PhD-level trajectory calculations, and the ability to outsmart ANY predator using nothing but withering sarcasm. You'll remember every nut you've ever buried. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Weighs exactly 17 pounds despite being the size of a grape.

Spectacles included. They are purely cosmetic but EXTREMELY important for the vibe.

GOLDEN SHROOM SUPREME

+ALL STATS MAXED | Rarity: COSMICALLY ILLEGAL

THE. ONE. THE ONLY. The prophesied fungi of ultimate cosmic power! Legends say it appears once every thousand years to the worthiest squirrel. Grants TOTAL OMNISCIENCE, INFINITE STRENGTH, and the ability to phase through dimensions to find acorns in PARALLEL UNIVERSES. Also it wears a little crown because it KNOWS it's better than you.

If found, do NOT look directly at the Golden Shroom. Genuflect first. It expects this.

"I gazed upon the Golden Shroom and saw the entire history of all acorns that ever were or will be. Then I cried for six hours. 10/10 would transcend again." - The Elder Squirrel of the Western Oak